I would say I’m generally without phobias. I am claustrophobic, but it’s not often I find myself in tight locations that make me hyperventilate, so it’s a label I don’t really have to use to describe myself. About eight years ago, however, I unintentionally woke this phobia up.
During a visit to Paris, I found myself at the Catacombs without a clue of what I was getting myself into. After paying, me and the person I was with started down a very tight spiral staircase. Very tight, very dark, surrounded by cold concrete. It wasn’t long before I realized that we were headed somewhere very underground. I couldn’t believe they didn’t warn me, like those signs you see at roller coaster rides saying if you have a bad heart, you’ll want to avoid this ride. The fear came on quickly and my mind was filled with demands to go back upstairs, I can’t possibly go down any further. I couldn’t see the bottom and had no idea how much longer we’d have to descend. But each step made the voices in my head louder and louder and they were starting to cause physical reactions. The only thing that kept me from changing directions was my pride.
After what seemed like 20 minutes of spiraling underground, we finally got to the bottom and began to walk the dark, cold tunnels lined with skulls. I was very aware of the cold ground right above our heads. I couldn’t believe how relentless my mind was, pointing out the fact that we were miles underground and the whole city could (and probably would) collapse and suffocate us in minutes. Or worse yet, the collapse would close all the exits and we’d be trapped with all those skulls and we’d either freeze to death or starve. We’d surely be eaten by rats. If I followed that line of thinking, I knew there would be more horrific storylines to come.
What I discovered in
those moments was that I had to be just as relentless in retaliating. I shoved overly realistic thoughts into my head: If it were unsafe they wouldn’t have let us in; I can hear voices ahead of us so obviously they’ve survived; I’m not going to die in here; We’re almost out…and these thoughts had to be constant and diligent in order to keep me grounded. If there was even the slightest pause, the doomsday thoughts would cause a physical response and I’d succumb to the fear. And on top of this, I had to appear normal to the person I was with so I wouldn’t be teased. So while my thoughts were feuding inside my head, I smiled and looked closely at the skulls to feign interest and awe. Quite a lot going on in that brain of mine.
And lo and behold, I survived. Even though I didn’t absorb the historical importance of the Catacombs, I walked away with such a valuable lesson about fears: you must be diligent with your mind and continue to remind yourself how irrational the fear or phobia is. I know from experience how crucial it is not to let your mind go unattended, otherwise it will give your body something to react to and soon you’ll be drowning in physical symptoms, making it harder to get your mind in front of the matter.
Now, that’s not to say I’ll be taking a tour of underwater caves anytime soon, but if I accidentally found myself in such a situation, I trust that I’d know what to do to keep myself sane.
