Doesn’t it sometimes seem like our brains are constantly trying to make us crazy? Like when get in the car and drive away, we suddenly have a thought that perhaps we didn’t turn the stove off. Or maybe we didn’t lock the door. We can never really convince ourselves that we did because we soon envision our houses on fire or a burglar walking in and stealing our laptops. At that point, we have no choice but to turn back.
Lots of people automatically assume they didn’t get the job right after an interview, and others assume they performed horribly on their first day on the job and wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t get called back. A friend of mine knew her current boyfriend wasn’t right for her, but she resisted breaking up with him because she assumed she wouldn’t find anyone better. When another film editor friend was contemplating quitting her job, she automatically had visions of getting desperate and taking a horrible job for minimum wage, quickly convincing herself that no one else would hire her. While I was transitioning from a steady marketing job to a life coaching career, I would often start a job search after thoughts began swirling that I couldn’t possibly make a living off of coaching.
From what I can tell, these thought patterns are quite typical. Our minds commonly throw out negative extremes and ‘what ifs’ especially when we’re going through a phase of uncertainty. About one in four Americans will at some point in their lives meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder. Why do we allow our brains to go to those extremes? It usually starts as a simple fear, to which we add memory, imagination, anticipation and emotion. We soon feel vulnerable and powerless and too quickly we lose control of our minds.
The good news is that our brains are flexible and respond well to retraining efforts. In the book My Stroke of Insight (Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D), there was a fact given that really stopped me in my tracks:
“An anger response, for example, is a programmed response that can be set off automatically. Once triggered, the chemical released by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within ninety seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those ninety seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run. Moment by moment, I make the choice to either hook into my neurocircuitry or move back into the present moment, allowing that reaction to melt away as fleeting physiology.”
Same goes for worry. There’s a window of opportunity (about 60-90 seconds) where you can disengage a toxic thought before it completely takes over. Balancing negative thoughts with positive ones is a good start. For every negative ‘what if,’ there’s a positive one as well. It’s likely in most uncertain situations that there’s just as good of a chance that you did get the job as there is that you didn’t. Deliberately distracting yourself is a great tactic as well. I did that many times when I started to get anxious about money during my career transition. When money worries started seeping into my brain, I’d read a book or go for a walk and soak up the positive rays of nature, refusing to get sucked into the I’ve-got-no-income-and-I’m-going-to-die scenario my mind was about to present to me.
As with anything we want to change in our lives, being diligent with our thoughts should be the biggest and most consistent priority. We actually get to choose what the mind is thinking at any given time, and with practice we can turn it into our friend again!
