I went through something pretty eye-opening recently. A friend gave me an airline buddy pass that was about to expire. Here I sat with a free airline ticket. I had to use it in the next two weeks but I had to pass along details of where I was going even sooner. I had the free time to go away, so everything seemed perfectly aligned. And oh how I dreamed. I stared at the airline’s map of where they flew to (including Mexico!) and happily started thinking about all the places I could visit. A spontaneous vacation. I can be spontaneous, right?
Then reality soon set in. Sure my flight was free, but I still didn’t have the money for an extensive hotel stay. So I started looking at the places where I had friends or relatives. But it was just a week or so away from school starting and I assumed that either mothers were busy preparing their kids for that, or the teachers I knew were preparing for their classes. Another friend wasn’t going to be there the weekend I was planning the trip and I didn’t want to be a last-minute burden to the other one. Once I went through that list, I thought that’s OK because I think I’m really in the mood for a solo adventure instead.
So I started looking into cities I wanted to explore, maybe some of the cheaper ones. I quickly poo-poo’d certain areas of the country for various (stupid) reasons. My brain has a built-in calculator, so I rejected places that required a rental car. And to top it off, I’d be flying standby, so there was a possibility I could be sitting in an airport for a day…there goes another handful of potential cities that didn’t have enough flights running throughout the day.
At this time, I thought about going to visit my parents in California, which seemed like somewhat of a cop out. It was near my birthday, so I figured I could visit them and not have any expenses, then find a nearby resort for the last night and treat myself to a spa treatment. I could get my adventure in as a self-celebration. That counts, right?
I’m not kidding, this entire process took me a week and was completely exhausting. I ran out of time and had to announce my plans so my flights could be confirmed. I started out so excited for an adventure, then poo-poo’d every possibility until I was back in my small-thinking and safe mindset. And I’m not trying to diminish the parental visit, but it definitely seemed like an easy way out, like I just jumped straight into the safety net instead of aiming for the adventure.
In the end, I didn’t do the resort because of the timing, and instead treated myself to a spa splurge when I got back home for the less than half the money I would have spent on a night at a California resort. No complaints there. And my visit with my parents was really great. They were SO happy I came. But would I have done it differently if I had more than a week to confirm which city I was going to? I certainly like to think so. But after this experience, I’m not so sure. I’m not feeling like the spontaneous and adventurous being I once thought of myself.
Just recently, a down-and-out friend was complaining that she didn’t have any options and I was trying to offer her some suggestions. She poo-poo’d everything, regardless of how logical the idea was. And let me tell you, saying you can’t afford something is a sure-fire way to get people to leave you alone. Who can argue with that? But I totally related to her mood, having just gone through the whole thing with my buddy pass experience. When you find yourself poo-pooing all possibilities, it’s hard to move yourself forward.
In this case, I stood firm with my friend and told her that I refused to believe that nothing was possible for her. I suggested we get together and dig deep and find something that would give her hope again. I would like to think that perhaps I would have stepped out for more of an adventure had someone done that for me…or even better, if I would have done that for myself. Guaranteed I won’t forget this lesson, and I’m pretty sure it has burned a fire somewhere in me to make up for it in a spectacular way. But in the meantime, recognizing that poo-poo mood in others and being empathetic yet strong for them is a great way to exercise that muscle.
