In 2010, I quit my full time job without having steady income to make up for it. I worked at an independently-owned, nationally-recognized record store for 16 years doing mostly marketing and promotions and going as high as I could go in such an environment. I loved being in the music industry at that level. I loved being able to say that I’ve never worked for a corporation, and became a champion for all things locally owned. I loved that my identity was so deeply entwined with the awesome reputation of that company; all I had to say in any conversation was that I worked at Twist & Shout and it would immediately create passionate responses about music. I truly loved what I did and where I was. How could I be so lucky!
But in 2008, I started to get the feeling that I wasn’t satisfied. I figured I just needed more vacations or maybe the people and/or situations I dealt with daily were getting to me. Perhaps the not-so-pleasant parts of my job were becoming bigger parts. I was lucky in that I could add challenges to my plate and enjoy it again for a bit longer. But after awhile, I just couldn’t ignore the feeling that I was no longer passionate about the music industry. So I planned on leaving. I had decided to become a life coach, which was a perfect career for me to use the unique gifts and talents I knew I possessed. But trying to get it running while still having a full time job proved challenging. I’d set a date that I wanted to have everything in place by so I could quit my job, but that date would pass, I’d make up an excuse and then set another one.
In August of 2010, I was only vaguely thinking about leaving. I hadn’t officially set another date, but I was still grappling with the fearful thinking that kept me there. I remember reminiscing about other turning points in my life and how I was capable of making shit happen. I was capable of turning things around if things fell apart. What had I lost since then? Was I not still capable? So I started loving the idea of free falling. I was so curious to see what I could do if I leapt. I wouldn’t allow myself to be homeless, right? I loved the idea of being forced to make shit happen. Being forced to be open and available for the opportunities that showed up as a result of creating the space.
So one day, without expecting it, I quit. I was sitting at my desk one morning noticing that I was in a really good mood. I thought to myself, “wow, I feel so great. I hope I feel this happy when I quit my job.” And then I thought, “why not quit now??!!” Yikes! So I turned to my boss and asked if I could talk to him at some point in the day…..so I couldn’t chicken out. And I did it. It was seriously one of the best days of my life. I don’t ever want to forget how proud I had made myself and how bold I was to jump without a net.
And now here I am, four years later. I have yet to turn my coaching practice into something that fully supports me. I’ve experienced more poverty than ever in my life and struggled with the negative mindset that gets so caught up in the anxieties of not having enough money. But oddly enough, I’ve developed a deeper sense of trust that makes me certain I’m heading towards something I couldn’t possibly have seen had I stayed. And it’s been great to see what I’ve come up with to survive, not to mention how awesome it’s been to have such freedom! Indeed, free falling has been great and probably necessary for me at this point in my life. I’ve learned a ton about myself. About the whole process of letting go. About creating space for something new to come in. About following my heart, even if it leads me on a more unconventional path. I’m reminded that I’m still capable. And I’m eager to see how it all unfolds. I have no doubt that it will be one of the most important moments in my life!
