Many years ago, I found myself in an interesting predicament. In a parking garage, I turned into a very narrow parking space and nicked the car next to me. It seemed to have happened, but I immediately questioned it. I couldn’t have possibly done that. I’m sure it just seemed like I came too close. I backed up and pondered. I went back into the parking space and sat for a minute, my mind racing. What if I caused damage? What if somebody saw it happen? Should I just leave?
I finally forced myself to get out and look. I already had a tiny dent in my car from long ago, in the same spot where I would have grazed the other car. I looked closely and saw a tiny bit of new paint…could that be from the other car? I went to the other car and looked around. The car wasn’t new, by any means. I don’t remember if there was anything that would prove that I hit it, but I do remember seeing rust spots in other areas of the car.
I went back and sat in my car and fielded resistant thoughts from my brain. I could leave and no one would ever know. I looked around…could I really just leave? It was so not a big deal, yet I felt so impacted by all the drama surrounding it. It was crazy to observe my brain trying desperately to make sense of it all. First trying to convince me that I didn’t hit the car. Then being so adamant that I had to do the right thing. So I wrote a note. I started wondering if the person would take advantage of my contact info and my admittance that i hit their car. I was imagining a frightening scenario: Even though the car is old and has rust stains elsewhere, I’d have to pay a thousand dollars for whatever tiny bit of damage I claimed to have done.
I left a note saying that I couldn’t tell if I did any damage but if they saw anything to give me a call. I left my name and number and I drove off without going into the building I originally intended to go in. I was so fraught with emotion, it was ridiculous. I was embarrassed, scared, expecting the worst, driving myself crazy with the flood of thoughts coming from every angle of the situation. Seriously, was all this work-up necessary?? It wasn’t like I ran over anybody!
For the next day or so, I was terrified to answer the phone; I had succumbed to the worst-case-scenario mindset and was anxiously preparing for the worst. Why did I leave that note?? But no word from the person whom I expected to rip me off. I don’t know how many days passed when I finally did get the call; it probably wasn’t long, although it felt like forever. I got home one day and there was a message on my answering machine from the girl who owned the car. She said “don’t worry, nothing happened, there’s no damage to my car. I just wanted to call and tell you how great it was that you left a note. I know you didn’t have to do that and I can’t tell you how much I admire your kindness and your honesty and I just wanted to call to tell you that.”
Holy shit! I was not expecting that at all, and just in that moment i realized how desperate I was for a kind response. I never in a million years thought that my note was an act of kindness to her! I also realized that kindness was the only choice I had. To have driven away from that situation would have been me giving power to my brain’s memory of all the bad stories about humans that I had ever heard. Those exhausting emotions that followed was just me fighting with all the thoughts that were complicating that very simple desire to Just Be Kind.
I’m sure I wouldn’t have witnessed this positive lesson had it turned out different. If that person did hose me out of money to “fix” her old car, I probably would be beating myself up for leaving a note while covering my kind heart with more disappointment and distrust in the human race. But I have to remember the examples of why I should be true to myself and always do the right thing by being kind, first and foremost. I remember how I felt by that lady’s kindness; and it’s even more amazing that my kindness left enough of an impact for her call me and tell me so.
