Midlife gets a bad rap. We can’t even say it without attaching the word ‘crisis’ to it. The general assumption is that we are all headed for some traumatic life-changing event that will force us into the impending doom known as “old age.” While it is true that shifting hormones in midlife can provoke some pretty intense and confusing feelings for both men and women, I think we need to start talking about it as an opportunity for a necessary and positive adjustment in life. An opportunity to create a better second half; a time when we are forced to assess our lives and determine what it’s going to take to align ourselves with our purpose. Carl Jung describes this as a period when the unlived potential of the person comes crashing through and bangs loudly on the door. And thank goodness for that.
In working with people who are either approaching this phase or are fully in it, I see the common struggles that come up during this phase. People reach out when it becomes apparent that they can no longer cling to what they have without exploding. They can no longer avoid the thoughts that come up, the feelings that tell them that they are no longer fulfilled. They find themselves driven to find purpose and meaning in their lives but are confused because they hadn’t been unhappy with their lives or relationships up to now. Or they realize that they’ve since settled and now they long for something more.
I see that those who cling to what they have are less likely to be open to any changes that must occur in order to feel happiness. And yes, it can be quite a disruptive and confusing time, but if we can change our mindsets from ‘crisis’ to ‘opportunity’ then we can navigate it with more flexibility and positivity. In fact, the resistance to such self-reflection and to any necessary change during this time is undoubtedly what sends a person into a frenzy, buying a convertible, finding a twenty-something boyfriend, or any of the drastic measures we typically associate with a midlife crisis. On the other hand, if we allow ourselves to listen to our inner voices, trust our emotions and work through the changes we know we need, we can find ourselves empowered to move forward and become thrilled about the potential we see before us.
